Here are some actual Church Bulletin messages and blurbs (bloopers):
The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”
A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.
Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk will please come early.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”
Our next song is “Angles We Have Heard Get High.”
Don’t let worry kill you, let the church help.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference. “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals”.
Today the pastor will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth into Joy”
Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands”.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers’. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are afflicted with any church.
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a terrible experience”.
Next weeks sunday evening speaker, Missionary to Greece, Alan Brown, will be presenting his ministry and progress of his work among the geeks.
Visitor are more than welcome to join in worshipping with us. We want you to feed at home!
The Preacher for next Sunday will be found hanging on the notice board in the porch.
Notice in the kitchen of a Church Hall: “Ladies, when you have emptied the teapot, please stand upside down in the sink”.
Seen outside a Canadian Baptist Church: “Church parking only. Violators will be baptised”.
Seen on a Church noticeboard: “Come early and get a back seat”.
In the Church Notices: “At the last Church Council meeting, it was decided that from this week on the freewill offering will be compulsory”
Women’s Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication.
Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.
Hymn: “I Love Thee My Ford.”
Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water-baptized on the table in the foyer.
Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight.
Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church boared.
As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing.
Fifth Sinday is Lent.
Thank you, dead friends.
Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8PM in the recreational hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers will please meet the pastor in the study.
Evening massage- 6PM.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
The pastor is on holiday until the 27th. Local clergy will be celebrating on the Sundays when he is away.
A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
Our young people are preparing the pizza dinner. It will be held in the perish hall.
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.
The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
Bilingual Chicken Dinner this Sunday at noon.
Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
A worm welcome to all who have come today.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
The ushers will come forward and take our ties and offerings.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord!
The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.
We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
It’s Drug Awareness Week: Get involved in drugs before your children do.
The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She’s used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
Today… Christian Youth Fellowship Sexuality Course, 8PM. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.